Unfelt Feelings
by KyleeMarie
Summary: James wants Lily. Lily doesn't know what she wants. Will his love conquer her doubt?
1. In Which We Meet James Potter

This is a Lily/James love/uncertainty story. I would say it was love/hate, but… Well, why don't you read it for yourself and find out? All reviews are welcome – if you love it, great, please tell me; if you hate it, sorry, love to know what I can do to improve. Thanks in advance! God bless, -KyleeMarie

Disclaimer – What you recognise (probably) is JKR's. New characters and the plot itself are mine.

Unfelt Feelings

**CHAPTER I – IN WHICH WE MEET JAMES POTTER**

BE-BEEP. BE-BEEP. BE-BEEP.

Sixteen year old James Potter rolled sleepily over to look at the source of the offending beep. Well, at the source of the beep, since a beep is, in fact, a sound not a sight. Without his round glasses on, James couldn't quite make out the vivid green numbers on his alarm clock, the source of that pesky beep. Well, maybe the beep wasn't so pesky after all.  You see, those vivid green numbers always, without fail, reminded him of someone, and this morning was no exception. As he reached for his glasses, James sighed and lost himself in thought, unsurprisingly about Lily Evans.

Lily's slightly almond shaped eyes were exactly the color of the digits on his alarm clock. At least, he thought so; she was almost never in the same place he was, and when she was, it usually wasn't her fault. James was completely crazy about Lily. The problem was, the feelings were far from mutual: though he'd wanted to go out with her for years, Lily viewed James as a selfish, egotistical showoff. James had hoped this feeling would dull with time, but at the end of their fifth and most recent year, Lily had declared, in front of many of their classmates, that she would rather go out with the giant squid than James Potter. Drat the beep.

James sighed again and allowed the memory that had been taunting him since last June fade. Then he glanced at the clock. 9:47 AM. Usually he'd never be up this early during the summer, but today was the last day before the start of term, and James still didn't have his school supplies. His two best friends, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, were coming between 11 and 11:30. When they did, it would be lunch time, then time to go back-to-school shopping in Diagon Alley. The supply lists had arrived late this year; they had gotten to the Potter residence only yesterday. This meant lots of Hogwarts students would be doing their shopping…

James smiled at the thought that had just crossed his mind before staggering out of bed, hollering down to his parents that he was awake, and, on his mother's orders, getting into the shower. A little while later, he clambered back out and walked to the closet, where he grabbed a pair of blue-jeans and a forest green t-shirt with a large Golden Snitch on it to wear for the day. Once dressed, he reentered  into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, where a hazel-eyed, bespectacled boy stared back at him, apparently thinking hard. After a few moments' deliberation, James almost desperately attempted to do something, _anything_, with his unruly black hair. He quickly gave up, however, and rumpled it for its usual windswept look.

Walking downstairs, James found his parents sitting in the living room. His father was reading the _Daily Prophet_, his mother the latest issue of _Witch Weekly_.  Just as James opened his mouth to announce his presence and ask about breakfast, Mrs. Potter looked up, smiled at her son, and said, "My, my. Aren't we up early?" As James nodded, she added, "There's breakfast in the kitchen, Jamesie, dear."

At the sound of his childhood nickname, James began to whine. "Mum! I'm sixteen now, so no more 'Jamesie,' k?"

Mrs. Potter smiled and said, with feigned absentmindedness, "Whatever you say, Jamesie."

James groaned and walked into the large kitchen for breakfast. As his eyes swept over the familiar yellow-gold furniture and scarlet walls (the Potters were all Gryffindors, and their house's décor showed it), he spotted something - no, someone - quite unexpected: Sirius Black was leaning on the counter, munching contentedly on a piece of bacon. "How… Why… WHAT THE HECK are you doing back already?" James spluttered. "I thought you were at your _girlfriend's 'til at least eleven!"_

Sirius glared. "You sound as though you aren't happy to see me, _Jamesie." He put special emphasis on the last word, knowing the reaction it would get. After watching James's glare and pretending to pout for a few moments, he added, "I decided to come back early. You know, I got homesick."_

James snickered. Sirius had recently run away from home and was living with the Potters. Not that either of the boys minded the arrangement; they had been best friends since the very first train ride to Hogwarts.

Sirius grinned at James, then asked, "You do have the supply lists, don't you?"

"Course I do, Padfoot. They got here yesterday. Awfully late this year, aren't they? They're in my room."

Sirius nodded briefly before sprinting from the room, hollering back, "Race ya!"

The two boys shot up the stairs into James's room, where Sirius flopped down on the bed and James began rummaging around in one of his many desk drawers. "They're in here somewhere…" It appeared, however, that they were not. "Where ARE they?" he asked the room at large, now digging frantically for the missing supply lists.

Sirius rolled over to watch what was happening and noticed something. "Uh, Prongs?"

"I put them in here…"

"Oh, and everything does exactly what James Potter wants it to? Since when?"

James looked up, glared, and demanded, "You find them, then."

Sirius grinned and ordered, "Look down."

James did as he was told. "Oh." The two parchment envelopes were sitting innocently by his right foot. Mildly embarrassed, he grinned sheepishly up at Sirius and handed over one of the envelopes. Then he flopped down onto the bed and tore into his own. 

For a few minutes all was silent as the two boys read their letters; then Sirius asked mischievously, "The supply lists got here yesterday, no?"

"Yes, Padfoot. I told you that downstairs," James answered, exasperated and not catching the meaning in his friend's tone. 

"Well, you've had the trip set for at least a week. There has to be a reason," Sirius pointed out.

"Well, I, uh, I knew they'd be here today?" James was asking Sirius rather than telling him, and both boys knew it. 

"Yeah, sure. You have a reason, and that isn't it. As for the real reason, I'd be willing to bet my right arm it has red hair, starts with Lily, and ends with Evans!" Sirius's voice was triumphant, and a cheeky grin was rapidly spreading across his face.

James groaned for the second time that morning; he felt as though the world was against him that day - everyone from the alarm with its pesky beep (but gorgeously coloured numbers) to his mother to his best friend of six years. Feeling also as though he should've seen it coming, James steered the conversation away from Lily by asking what kinds of pranks they should play during the coming year. It worked; the two spent the next hour at least planning pranks and moonlight adventures. They would've spent more time on it, but they were interrupted by a sandy-haired head in the doorway.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Hey, Moony!" James greeted happily; Sirius just waved.

Remus Lupin, "Moony" to the Marauders (the three of them plus a boy called Peter Pettigrew), walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed. Brushing some hair out of his blue-green eyes, he asked, "What've you two been up to?"

James and Sirius quickly filled him in on their plans, then James suggested they go get lunch. The other two nodded their agreement, James and Sirius pocketed their letters, and the three trouped off to the kitchen.


	2. In Which We Meet Lily Evans

Thanks Tessa for the review! I feel so loved...  
  
Unfelt Feelings  
  
Chapter II - IN WHICH WE MEET LILY EVANS  
  
Lily Evans yawned and stretched. Then she shuddered as she remembered her dream from the night before: she had been out on a date with James Potter. Eurgh! As if! Hadn't she said at the end of last year she'd rather go out with the giant squid than stuck-up, selfish James Potter? Hadn't she meant it? Now that she thought about it, she wasn't so sure. He was kinda cute, and he was, beyond the shadow of a doubt, funny.  
  
'No, stop it,' she thought. 'It was just a dream. Just a stupid dream.' She wouldn't let herself think like that. Never. Especially not today. It was no way to start her sixteenth birthday. Looking at the clock, Lily saw it was 6:30 AM. Early riser though she was, she usually slept in 'til at least 7. Obviously not today; you only turn sixteen once, after all, and Lily was going to live, and love, every second of it.  
  
Lily got out of bed and turned off her alarm so it wouldn't go off in an hour and wake up the whole house. She went to the bathroom and began running a warm bath. Then, on impulse, she reached into the cabinet under her sink and pulled out a citrus bath fizz and matching bubble bath. After dropping them in the tub, she stood there for a few moments and watched them fizz and bubble. Checking to see if she had everything, Lily suddenly remembered the unfinished book on her nightstand. She ran back into her bedroom and grabbed it, then, coming back into the bathroom, she undressed and got in. By draining and refilling the tub whenever the water got cold, Lily found no reason to get out until her book was done.  
  
She sighed happily as she gingerly closed the book and set it on her counter; then, wrapping up in her white fluffy towel, she let the tub drain for the final time that morning. Lily received a shock when she glanced at the clock on the way to her closet: it was already 9:30. 'Ah, well,' she thought. 'Just have to hurry a little, I guess.' But really, she didn't see any need to hurry, so she took her time selecting her outfit. After all, she couldn't tell who she'd see that day. She definitely took her time; it was fifteen minutes before she walked back into the bathroom, carrying a pair of khaki capris and a white tank top with a red stripe around the bottom that, if she said so herself, perfectly matched her hair. She quickly applied a coat of clear lip gloss before sweeping her hair back in a clip. Lily stepped back and carefully appraised her appearance in the full length mirror. Deciding she was happy, she exited the bathroom and headed downstairs for breakfast.  
  
As she entered the kitchen, Mrs. Evans ran over and tightly embraced her, looking close to tears. "My baby's gotten so big so fast!"  
  
Lily grimaced ant tried futilely to squirm out of her mother's arms. After a minute or two, her mother released her, and Lily walked to her seat at the square table, clutching her ribs. As she passed her father's seat, he clapped her on the back and exclaimed jovially, "Happy birthday, Lily!"  
  
At a sharp look from Mrs. Evans, Petunia, Lily's older sister, muttered, "Happy birthday, Freak," though her dull brown eyes and disgusted, hateful tone of voice showed only too clearly her life would be much better without Lily in it.  
  
Lily, however, didn't care about her sister's opinion now, for though the two had once been close, Petunia had hated Lily ever since her Hogwarts letter arrived. She was too happy to let anything bother her today. Not only was it her birthday, but Mrs. Evans was taking Lily to Diagon Alley for her school supplies after breakfast. Lily just hoped she didn't run into James Potter and the Marauders, the highly popular group of troublemakers whose victims she seemed to always find herself defending.  
  
Lily bolted down the bacon and eggs Mrs. Evans had set in front of her, then looked up hopefully and asked, sounding very much like an overeager child, "Mum, I have my supply list in my pocket, so can we go now, please? Please can we go now?"  
  
Mrs. Evans grinned at her youngest daughter and teased, "I don't know, Lily. I think there are things I should do here first..."  
  
"Mum! You said we could go right after breakfast!" Lily pouted. She stuck out her bottom lip into an almost irresistible puppy dog face. "PLEASE can we go now?"  
  
"All right." Then she turned to her husband and elder daughter. "We'll be back later."  
  
Lily beamed and ran to the car to wait for her mother. Half an hour later, they stopped outside the Leaky Cauldron, the pub that served as the gateway between Diagon Alley and the Muggle World. Lily grabbed her mother's hand and excitedly dragged her through the pub into the courtyard beyond. Pulling a long, narrow wand out of her pocket, she counted three bricks up and two bricks over from the rusty old trash bin and tapped three times. With a grating noise, the bricks formed themselves into an archway, a feat which never failed to amaze Lily.  
  
She took off down the cobbled street, drinking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the magical alleyway. It had that magical feel to it that Lily missed out on so often, as both her parents were Muggles. She made her way to the towering snow-white building that was Gringotts, the goblin-run wizard bank, at the end of the street. When she got there, she sat down on the top step to wait for her mother. Looking around, she didn't see anyone she knew, but there were many different types of people there.  
  
As soon as Mrs. Evans neared the steps, Lily rose gracefully and turned to go through the first set of doors into the building. Her mother, however, stopped her. "Lily, dear?" she began.  
  
"Yes, Mum?" Lily asked politely, though she could guess what her mother was about to ask and didn't like it.  
  
"Would you mind if I went ahead home? I have... things... I should probably take care of..." Mrs. Evans trailed off uncomfortably.  
  
Lily knew her mother wasn't enjoying herself. The feeling that she thrived on made her mother feel anxious and uncomfortable no matter how hard Mrs. Evans tried to enjoy it. Without letting her feelings on, Lily answered, "Go ahead, Mum. I understand that you have things to do. I'll go straight home with Rhia instead of coming home first."  
  
Mrs. Evans smiled fondly at her redheaded daughter. "Thank you, dear. Call me before you go, won't you?"  
  
"Of course, Mum. I love you." With a final hug, Lily turned back to the Gringotts doors. Taking a last look over her shoulder, she saw her mother heading back up the street. A second later, she was lost in the crowd, though Lily knew she was going as fast as possible back to the Leaky Cauldron, the gateway to her own world.  
  
Ten minutes later, Lily walked down into that crowd herself, now with a pocket full of gold, silver, and bronze. Glancing down at her delicate silver watch, she saw it was now 10:30. Good; that gave her plenty of time to get her shopping done. But first, she would go read some. She walked into Diagon Alley's largest bookstore, Flourish and Blotts', and pulled out her supply list. Shaking it open, Lily quickly walked 'round the store and gathered her school books, plus, of course, some books for pleasure reading. She then walked to the checkout back at the front.  
  
"Welcome to Flourish and Blotts'. I'll be with you in just a moment," the blonde behind the counter said, looking for a place to stop in her magazine. Looking up, she said, "Oh, hello, Lily!"  
  
"Hi, Cara," Lily answered pleasantly. Cara was Lily's cousin, older by two years and recently graduated from Hogwarts. "I need to get these, k?" she asked, setting her fairly large stack of books down gingerly on the counter.   
  
"Sure thing, Lil!" her cousin said, ringing the books up just as gingerly and lovingly. "By the way, I'm surprised you're not wearing a skirt!"  
  
"I could say the same thing to you," Lily pointed out; Cara was wearing a pair of blue jean shorts with a light yellow tee under her green work apron.   
  
"Good point," Cara giggled.  
  
"What's so funny?" Lily demanded.  
  
"Nothing. Here you go!"  
  
"Thanks, Cara. I'll be in the back reading for a while if that's okay with you."  
  
"No prob. See you later!"  
  
Lily waved goodbye to her cousin and trouped to the back, where she nestled herself in a corner and began to read. How much time passed she wasn't sure, but two books later, the bell at the front of the store rang, and Lily heard a voice coming her way that made her look up, scowling. 


	3. In Which James Loses His Temper

Hello, all! Thank you for reviewing; I greatly appreciate it!  
**Trinity** - Thank you for pointing that out; I must've typed it wrong - oops. I'll fix that in a bit. I wanted to leave Peter out, but I also wanted (and still do) to stay as true to the book as possible, so he stays. Traitor brat. Him, not you, obviously. I'm very glad you found it easy to read and hope you enjoy the second chapter, too. As for writing it, most of it pretty much just came to me, but I had to fiddle to get the exact mood I wanted.  
**Lil-Brat **- What's your name, if you don't mind? I don't like writing these things and having to use usernames if it can be avoided... I'm glad you liked the beginning; I messed with it several times to get the effect I wanted.  
**Sky **- Thanks for the review! Glad you like it!  
**Tessa **- Thank you for both of the reviews, especially the first one! The first review's always special...  
Now, on to the story; sorry this chapter's so short...**  
CHAPTER III - IN WHICH JAMES LOSES HIS TEMPER  
(Weird title; oh well)  
Immediately after lunch, James, Sirius, and Remus said goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Potter and Flooed to the Leaky Cauldron. Strolling down the lane that looked, to James, at least, as though it had sprung to life from the pages of a storybook, Sirius and Remus chatted animatedly to each other about who- knows-what. James had drifted back into the usually vaguely familiar territory that is human thought, though his thoughts had been trodden over many times. First, he thought about Lily. Surprise, surprise. Then, to try and rid himself of the memory of last June, he pulled out his book list and read it again... And again... And again. Each time, however, something, from a book he'd seen her read to the emerald ink, reminded him of Lily Evans, the first girl he'd ever really liked and the only girl who wouldn't go out with him. Well, only girl not in Slytherin that wouldn't go out with him, but they don't count.  
As the three boys passed Florean Fortescue's ice cream parlor, James suggested, in yet another attempt to distract himself from thoughts of Lily, that they stop for ice cream. It was the perfect day for one of Fortescue's sundaes (not that there ever was a bad day for ice cream), so the other two hurriedly agreed, and they all marched inside. James ordered three hot fudge sundaes and paid, while Sirius and Remus picked a table by the window to "satisfy Sirius's inner child." As he passed out the ice creams, James cast around for something to talk about. Remus, the perceptive one, picked up on this and began finalizing pranks. As much so as you can a few weeks to several months ahead of time, anyway.  
About twenty minutes later, just as James had temporarily forgotten about Lily, Sirius got one of his ideas. "You know, if she still won't go out with you..." Here he lowered his voice conspiratorially. "... you could prank her. I have some ideas that won't-"  
"NO!" James cut him off sharply. "I WILL NOT!" Everyone in the ice cream parlor was staring at the boy now on his feet; some of the girls didn't seem to notice the fact that he was angry and were staring with hearts in their eyes.  
"Fine, fine," Sirius said, seeming shocked at his friend's outburst. "It was just a suggestion."  
"Yeah, well," James told him, still with his voice slightly raised. "It wasn't a very good one." And with that he stormed out, leaving a half-finished sundae and a stunned silence behind him.  
Storming down the alleyway, James turned many heads, some glaring at him, others looking sympathetic, but he was oblivious to them all. How DARE Sirius even suggest it! He knew how James felt, and he still had the nerve... Stopping for just a moment, James decided to start shopping for his school things. After all, he had nothing better to do, and as he was outside Flourish and Blotts', he decided to start there. Pulling out his booklist and marched into the store, starting off on another furious tirade about Sirius as he went.**


	4. In Which James and Lily Collide

Thanks to Tessa and Sky for the reviews! Enjoy!

**CHAPTER IV – IN WHICH JAMES AND LILY COLLIDE**

(…and Lily heard a voice coming her way that made her look up, scowling.)

Lily had just heard James Potter, and he sounded angry. Looking over at him as he walked through the door, Lily instantly saw she was right. Usually she would've been pleased to see him fuming, but today, for some strange reason, she was concerned. He stopped muttering, glanced down at his supply list, and walked towards the corner Lily was sitting in, apparently not noticing her. This affirmed her feeling he was upset; under normal circumstances, if she was anywhere around, James would notice her within ten seconds. Either it had been at least a minute since he'd entered her corner or time was passing ve-ery slowly. 

As soon as he was about a yard away, Lily asked, "James, are you all right?"

He looked up, startled. "Wha…? Oh, hi, Lily. I'm fine," he lied flatly.

"No, James. You aren't all right. Spill. What's the matter?" Lily pressed. She couldn't believe she was talking like this to James Potter; she was using his first name and talking to him like she would to her friends.  James Potter was certainly _not her friend. But if not, then what was that odd feeling in her stomach? And why was she concerned about him?_

"Err… Umm… I, uh…" James babbled. Lily had the feeling that he was looking for an excuse. "Uhm… PMS?"

Lily stared for a moment before bursting into hysterics. "James! You… PMS… Do you… even… know what… PMS… is?" she managed to choke between giggles.

James shook his head cluelessly. "No. But that's what Mom says when she's in a bad mood, and Dad leaves her alone."

"PMS is a girl problem, James," Lily explained, unknowingly adopting her prefect tone and stance.

"Oh," James said, turning pink.

Lily giggled again, inwardly cursing him for being so darn cute, especially when embarrassed, and herself for noticing. Then she repeatedly cursed that odd feeling in her stomach that kept her giggling and her face warm.

James said, obviously trying to sound casual but failing miserably, "Er, Evans, since you have all your books," he gestured to the pile by her side, "could you help me get mine?"

"Sure. And please call me Lily." She giggled again and desperately hoped this was all a very bad dream. WHY was she acting like this?

"Ok, Lily. Call me James," he answered, handing her his supply list and grinning broadly. 

Lily scanned the list and walked off, coming back shortly with the towering book stack. 

"Whoa, Lil! That was fast."

Lily grinned, noticing how nice it sounded when he called her 'Lil.'  She shrugged. "I spend a decent amount of time in here. Oh, by the way, where's your escort?"

"Er…" James muttered uncomfortably. "They, umm… They're in the ice cream parlor, I think."

"You think," Lily repeated skeptically. "What do you mean, 'you think?'"

"That's where they were when I left them," James told her nervously. "I think they'll catch me up…"

"James, you should stop thinking. It's getting on my nerves."

James laughed. "I never knew you had such a good sense of humor. For a swat, anyway."

"Well, I think what you never knew would fill several books," Lily retorted.

"Don't think. It's getting on my nerves," James mimicked in a girly voice.


End file.
